Just Let Me
by Auburn Divinity
Summary: 08th MS team, Aina reflecting on her life and who she is. please RR


Author's note: Hi all. This is my first attempt at an 08th MS team ficlet; it may also be my last. I started writing this a several months ago. I thought the song was so perfect and it flowed so easily, for a while. Then it sank to the deepest trenches of the sea, *glub, glub* for quite sometime the prospect of finishing it looked fairly bleak. But thanks to the help of an expert diving team, more commonly known as pestering friends, I have rescued it from it's watery grave. It may be a little water logged but I hope with all earnestness that at least one person out there won't think it's terrible. Not good, not great, just not terrible. I think you've heard enough from me, on to the fic. Enjoy. Oh, one more thing beware of sap. Toodles. 

Standard disclaimer: I own nothing, not the song, not the characters. 

**Just Let Me**

I don't even know why I did it, why I just stood there. How long had I been standing in front of the mirror, staring, studying the reflection in the glass? The image is an exact duplicate of mine, the same form I meet each time I pass the shimmering surface. Eyes, hair, shape, everything the same, but today I don't feel like she is me. 

Slowly I unwrapped the beige towel from my head; the damp hairs stopped inches above my shoulders. I ran my fingers through my bangs and down my cheek, they mingled with the thin strands carefully removing the tangled knots as I repeated the motion. Without realizing it my hand wandered to the wound and gently traced the outside edges. 

     _I will meet you in some place,     Where the light lends itself to soft repose. 
_

He was a Federal Forces officer why would he bother to bandage it? My enemy...no our enemy, my brother's and mine. It was nothing more than an attempt to stay alive. The only instinct stronger than that to destroy--self-preservation. 

Do I really believe that or am I trying to convince myself? 

If his only thought was to survive why did he watch me float away? Refusing to become a prisoner? There was no way of knowing he would be found. Was it foolish pride or bravery? Would it have been different if the federation had found us first? Would he have refused to take me prisoner? I'd like to think so, but how could I know?

I went back to thinking about the image in the mirror; the young woman wrapped in only a towel, wondering about that man...a stranger...a feddie. He's not what I expected? But what did I expect...a monster with an endless thirst for blood. I shook my head and flung my arms to my side.

"No, he will continue to fight and I will still be just what I have always been." I announced to the mirror-me, adding in thought as if I could hide it from her, 'I hope I will not have to fight him and maybe...' What did I want from that maybe? Did the image in the glass smile at me for doubting what I wasn't sure of?

"Who are you Ensign?"

    _I will let you undress me,     But I warn you I have thorns like any rose.
_

I slipped my shirt on. My arms slid through the sleeves with a gentle ease. The plush carpet crushed under my feet leaving a delicate impression of the shape as I walked to the bathroom. I threw the towels through the open door and watched them land in a limp pile on the floor. 

She seemed to be calling me, as I passed the mirror yet again. The woman in the glass and I had stared at each other much too long and I wasn't ready to go at it again. I would have turned the reflective surface away but it was bolted to the wall, so I settled for sitting in a corner of the room where I couldn't see it. 

My thoughts were interrupted by a harsh voice calling my name and a rather loud knocking on the door. I wanted to order the person to go away but I knew Ginias needed me to test his new creation, I am the only one to operate the Apsalus. 

I walked into the hanger housing _it_ and for a brief moment I just stared.

Oh how I _hate_ that machine! That grotesque mass of metal and wiring that consumed my brother's every thought.

It took mere seconds for me to put on the restraint harness, a few more minutes and I had it in the air. 

My brother was a genius; the difficulties I encountered in the first test run were all but nonexistent now.

Suddenly a net was shot in my path, then federal mobile suits popped out of the sand with agility that I could never have anticipated. I fired a few shoots but I didn't want to hit any of them. Oh, please I don't want to hurt anyone, not in this way, you weren't supposed to be here. A feddie attached his suit to the Apsalus. I lost control; the extra weight made it hard to handle. The balance was completely off. He is going to kill us both. Help me what am I supposed to do?

I did the first thing that came to me; I yelled at him. He responded; his voice is so familiar...It's the ensign form space.

    _You could hurt me with your bare hands,_

So much has happened since this morning...or could it already be tomorrow. I'm not sure anymore; the only thing I am sure of is that the man who filled my thoughts is lying unconscious in front of me. I guess I should be overwhelmed by what has happened but I really don't know what I should be thinking. He is so beautiful.

I finished bandaging his hands; they had started to change color because of the extreme temperatures. Now all I could do was wait, wait and think...burr it's cold. It's freezing and I didn't know what to do, so I moved closer to his body. He's still warm, that's good, right? Carefully I checked his bandage again; lack of something else to do I guess. I must have startled him; he sprang up and had his hands around my neck before I could think of a way to react.

_    And you could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say
_

I'm not going to fight you; I don't want to fight you, Ensign Shiro Amada. He somehow knew we were safe there together. Something makes me feel that no harm will ever come to me when I am with him. 

He blushed again as I stepped into the pool of hot water he created using the weapon on his suit. My thoughts turned back to my brother, how I seemed to be his doll, a tool to test his ingenious new inventions, to him I must have been just as much a toy as those machines.

Shiro said something, an innocent complement but in my state of mind I took it wrong. I stood up and shouted, now it's my turn to blush. I really shouldn't have done that, but he didn't care. He is so different; different from anyone I've ever met. Even in a time of war he would help the enemy and not because it was his only way of survival. His lighthearted laugh makes me feel like I've always wanted to be in his presence.

    _I'm lost to you now,     There's no amount of reason     That could save me.
_

I think I've reverted back to a giggling High school teenager, scribbling the name of my crush all over the sheets of notebook paper. Acting like a blushing fool, when he passes in the hallways, practically fainting if he would say 'hi' to me. For a second I pictured myself at a desk writing over and over, Mrs. Amada, Mrs. Shiro Amada, Mr. and Mrs. Shiro Amada. I'm not that old and picturing myself in high school wasn't that hard, but it did seem a little far-fetched, almost ludicrous and somewhat desirable, at least it would remove some of the complications.

It didn't show...I hope what I was thinking didn't show anyway. I just want to be somehow near him, to know him. If we were never rescued would I think it was a bad thing? It feels weird to want so many things at the same time. To want to stay here and learn more about the Ensign and at the same time wish for a rescue team. To want him, but want the Feddies he worked for to be defeated. 

_    So break me, take me,     Just let me feel your arms again.     Break me, take me     Just let me feel your love again.
_

That wasn't me...it was but in a way it couldn't have been me. The words came so freely but I wasn't saying them, I was feeling them. It was like the deep-rooted thoughts of everything I had thought or felt in the past weeks were surfacing. One sentence followed the next as I gave Ginias a semi-lecture about humans, the race in general, not the groups and segments that continuously fought but individuals who were all the same and in that way each held some goodness. 

I was in a surreal state watching my self go on, unaware of what was coming next. I could only feel the strong emotions attaching me to one man. Ensign Shiro Amada where are you now?

    _Feels like being underwater,     Now that I've let go...lost control.
_

Now I stand in front of another mirror, worn and beaten. It is so covered in dust that I can only see a faint hint of the form of my reflection. I no longer question who I am, or who he is, or why I feel the way I do. It is just enough to feel this way.

In weeks it seems that many years have passed, I'm fighting a losing battle within my self. We fall back a little more each day and the cries of the injured soldiers only make me see it more clearly. They must return to space, leaving this planet behind to what feels like an endless war. This beautiful Earth left to be one expanse of countless battlefields, doomed to it's tragic fate placed on it not be some deity but by man. 

He said he loved me, and his words were so much deeper than that. We would meet again, but can he forgive me for what I must do before that day ever comes? I am truly his forever, lost in his arms, thinking always of that day when we made the promise to see each other again.

    _Water kisses fill my mouth,     Water fills my soul. 
_

Gently I ran the sleeve of my shirt over the dust, wiping only the top layer off. In that image I could just begin to see the colors. I fixed my hair and pretended to be thoroughly examining my reflection as one of the many soldiers walked by. That image is as hollow as everything I see around me, pretending to be something that had no meaning, like these battles. 

While I am here I cannot face the soldiers as I once could. I see now that they are men. Men who live with there lives in the balance, some fight, others follow, and some see that the fight is nearly over. Do they long to be reunited with family and loved ones? Or are they foolish impudent fools who seek to gain favor in the eyes of generals by means of destruction? Can they not see that with each opponent they kill a little of them dies too? 

Soldiers loaded the injured on to the ship, I watched from a safe distance.

    _So break me, take me,     Just let me feel your arms again.     Break me, I'll let you make me,     Just let me feel your love again. 
_

Countless lovers have been torn apart by wars in stories long forgotten. Romantic adventures, ballads, and tales, the farthest thing from any of the minds surrounding me but I couldn't help wondering about them. Do all those who fall in love have to face such things? How many of those do not survive to see a happy ending and how many others have lived this timeless test of affection?

I wonder if we survive to the end, will we ever be able to recover any semblance of what we were? Shiro can you still remain forever the man I met in space, can I be who I am in your arms for eternity? I know you will never forget me, please wait.

"Until then," I whispered, "When we met again where ever it may be, I'll be thinking of you." 

I put on my space suit looking with longing to the world above this underground base. 

    _Just let me feel your arms again.     Just let me feel your love again. 
_

"Shiro, until then I will be there in thought."

***** 

Bet you can't guess where it started to fall apart. I hope I didn't get her character too awfully wrong. Don't let this scare you away from reading any of my other fics, they're better.


End file.
